i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
