It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
