Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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