if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
