it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
