There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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