She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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