Dual....:-)
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
