I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
