Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Vodka?
Forever.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
