she looked like the before picture.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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