I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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