Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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