So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Randomize
