You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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