just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
