The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
