Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Please don't give away my fajitas
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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