I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
These tits shall not be calmed
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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