I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
