Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
