the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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