Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
