Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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