I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
