new low.... made out with someone while peeing
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
