I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
