apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
