tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
