im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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