That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
When did angry sex become our thing?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
