Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
