mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
