What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
