They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
