Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
