you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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