OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
