I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
