every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
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You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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