Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
