I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
