so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
