I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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