I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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