I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
