dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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