Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
