I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
