My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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