I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
