Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Of course I have a pirate flag
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
