the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I love you. Go after that dick
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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