I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
