i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
