I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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