I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
