Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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