The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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