You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
