No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
