i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
