if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
