I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
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She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
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Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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