I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
