If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
