How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
