i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
